“…as You Love Yourself.”
Traditionally, Lent is about contrition, about recognizing that we have failed to love both God and neighbor as we ought. And thus, symbolically, we walk with Jesus, in confession and self-denial, the road to Calvary. And there is much to commend such Lenten practice. But this year, I want to suggest that for many of us, our deep struggle to love God and other lies not in mainly in holding ourselves in too high a regard, such that penitence and austerity are a cure, but in a fundamental failure to truly love ourselves much at all.
In an age of instant gratification, where “kindness to self” is often code for indulgence and “self-care” can be used to withdraw from legitimate responsibilities, it seems that love of self is hardly the problem! And yet I think it very much is. I think most of what we do in the name of self-love is actually an attempt to numb deep inner pain – pain that is often self-inflicted! I think our competitive world has led to believe that the voice to trust most is our inner drill sergeant, endlessly demanding our improvement. We live in constant fear that if we relax our vigilance, we will let shortcoming slip into public view – revealing us as imposters and excluding us from love. I think this habitual, fear-driven, relentless attack of our inner self is why growing in genuine, generous love for God and other is so agonizingly difficult – we have little love to give.
Therefore, this Lent I want to focus on this element of the greatest commandments we neglect so constantly – the part about loving ourselves!
In Worship…
A big part of this will be our Lenten sermon series of the same name. Here we’ll look at just how desperately human we are, and also how Jesus responds to the desperately human. How did Jesus treat highly imperfect people? How many push-ups did he demand as penance? How did he treat himself? With stern rigor or with gentleness and vulnerability? If the Holy One of Israel can love broken mortals, maybe we can, too, starting with the mortal we know best…
In Small Groups…
In addition to what we’ll be doing in worship, I’m also recommending a book that I have found very helpful, Self-Compassion by research psychologist Kristin Neff.
At one level, the book is an easy read – no technical jargon or neuroanatomy required. But it is also a piercing look at how ruthlessly we tend treat ourselves and how such ruthlessness robs of the very resources we need to make the mature changes we seek. But even more importantly, Neff describes how we can begin to change this habit of self-cruelty and exercises that can aid the process.
Because the topic is so important and the book structured for easy group discussion, I hope you will join a Lenten small group to talk about the topic and howe we can help each other grow in compassion for everyone, even us.
If you would like to join a group (by which I mean, I highly encourage you to join a group!!!), please let us know when and where would be best for you. Click here to fill out our online small group interest form.
